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my free text in the red field
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30.6.03
14-so this is the new blogger software. i can only hope it works better than the old one. apart from that maybe this gives me the opportunity to re-activate woelfin.blogspot - it is such a pity for that old blog!
its all over now baby blue. he has written me the last mail on saturday, telling me that he, too - accepted waiting for some weeks before we could really come together physically. that was my fault. and now it is his fault. but there is a number of things that are more important to him. he had always said that the relationship is for him more worth than anything. but now it came AFTER the man he shared the appt with, AFTER the dog and long after his future job. i told him we take 2 months rest. and i see my feelings for him pass away bit by bit. i feel as lonely as i have ever been before. and being with him was a lie. it was a lie to myself. i thought im not lonely but i WAS. it is good that it is over. i am now at the end of the social scale - totally at the end. i stopped every contact with people who pay taxes. my behaviour becomes more and more confused. so isolating myself is the best solution, really. even if it hurts. it is the truth and it is the nature of truth to hurt.
5:33 PM
14.6.03
13-now even without ant/2day i am online again for hours and online life is really great again. so great that i even run the risk of trying another blogger-entry. i ve had probs with that on 25 may but i think that this time it will be better. the greatest flop was 20six. i ve never met a paralyzed server like that before! when i go to antville.org now, it seems so retarded to me. not longer interesting. it is the moment when i see that this actually is not of any importance at all. i have found again the pleasure in writing in foreign languages. i correspond with adrian and will additionally contact further french friends, including their psychonet forum. the address of that is http://myblog.de/woelfin - so goodbye for now. as far as it seems this is going to be a splendid, gorgeous - but very verrry hot day in vienna!
9:25 AM
12.6.03
12-it was not possible to upload a story before the new installation on may 25th. so i try it again now. i just copy and paste the story from that day: hello dear SPOT
you are indeed a very small and neglected spot in the internet, and let me just mis-use u for the moment as the tautological weblog. people still dont understand until now that i am going to close down alpha. having spent a year with it is really enough and i m kind of sick of it. i am also sick of the superficialty which has always gained and grown in the two villages, together with hypocrisie. this is no longer my world: so LET this no longer be my world. for the moment i have re-activated LJ as my current i-net diary. i am not really integrated in a community there. this fact makes it easy for me to express myself freely, contrarily to antville. there are people i accept in the villages, there are people / no comment.
usually i have to work a long time in order to really liberate myself from the stickiness to ALPHA - in reality i have no longer been interesting and interested there. there was more bitterness than content. do i want to live in a village full of 'turcs': no.
12:18 PM
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