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my free text in the red field
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29.6.04
30-this blogspot does not count the stories exactly. nevertheless - dear coachy coach: this was obviously just a short intermezzo 2day. nevermind. and 2morrow U'll be gone, too - after tomorrow we talk about the project hours payment and that stuff for brussels, and on friday i've one of my burdensome holidays. i am looking forward to the holiday, on the other hand i'd love so much to take part in jourfixe and the bookkeeping tête-à-tête U've got with chris.
strange thing - i seem quite straight and cool and so on. i mean: that big sympathy 4 U, this is just part of my corporate identity, stereotype and business. nothing much 2 say 2 U 2day, i'm just gonna await thursday (thirsty).
the tobacco store closed forever, yesterday - it broke my heart. 2day i could grasp an ultimate glimpse of the lady who is going 2 B tired and retired.
Äh: yes and 2morrow: an enormously quiet day is expected with ms. princess and one of our 2 young stars. oh i will enjoy that day. i'd rather take something to 'do' with me 2morrow - to 'work'.
6:52 PM
28.6.04
29-i have not committed the slightest schnitzer today. the boss was absent, so were the two female trainees. we were just princess, me and the two young stars. offered each other to eat; i started clearing my mind up with regard to the expenses for the business trips. in some way i am afraid tomorrow when 'coach' will return and it was my thursday's fault that the hotel had been expensive. i had been in a hurry booking it, knowing that i was absent the following friday. this wont happen anymore. theres no need to hurry with those things cause the trainstation is also a charming place to spend the night especially for a goodlooking smart coach like ours. i did phone with the professor again, and i communicated that finally i had succeeded in establishing a slight contact with my precessor lady. oh i will remember this day as an especially quiet, peaceful and intimate one. a day to warm up with each other, that means just the four of us.
9:04 PM
26.6.04
28-one more little schnitzi yesterday. w's friend called while i had not yet switched off the answering machine. finally they got together but with an hour's delay which was not only my fault but above all w's. he had not even remembered that he had this date, only with the aura of his new girlfriend on his mind.
it is saturday. i hate saturdays: they are lonely. i hate them.
8:54 PM
23.6.04
27-always those little schnitzers. well, we've had a REAL talk 2day, you forgave me the expensive booking; i gave up my solitary diary for exchange.
BUT i've done a new little so-called 'schnitzer' - it seems i cant do without them - SO! we were talking about that mister E -and i said: well, he's someone who picks up the phone when he is called. and now i reproach to myself: can you have interpreted it in an ironic way, meaning that i'd reproach you not to pick up when I call? these are the things turning in my head when U're absent. apart from that i see here that this blogger is going to be a big big letter 2 U and hopefully u'll never read it.
i can just let U know between the lines: i'm straight and tough and not really sexy in all this but so deeply convinced of what i'm doin' and what U're doin' and what we ALL R doing.
8:18 PM
26-it was just a short italian breakout. fact is that this log is designed rather secretly. so there's no link going from the imperium to here. i have to get rid of things - in the written way. but the place where i did that didn't interest anyone.
i do not do things for nothing. and there are so so very many reasons for me to be deceived, above all because of that disgraciate hotel booking. things like these depress me enormously. there is the deepest fear versus them and then the worst case scenario happened. i had to book urgently and expensively, with a woman who is arrogant and wants a lot of provision. and the boss is rather angry, desperately trying not to show that and these are the days when i want to let it all flow, i want to leave because i desperately try to be good and i am nothing more than the last piece of shit on this world.
yes the worst case scenario has been realized: being a secretary, booking trips that I would have liked to do myself. not having anything of my work rewarded cause as i told before: i am the last shit.
and actually i DID fall in love with that ... (let's say) person - but that doesnt count. fact is that he depreciates me in the literal meaning of the work/word. i should never have come back here and now there remains nothing than making the best out of it.
my fear becomes true: it is not probable that i will survive there till turning of the year.
but i should - just in order to keep the insurance going.
6:42 AM
13.6.04
25-il fatto è che domani vado a prendere rina dalla stazione e rina è liata direttamente col mio lavoro. da dieci anni già non ho vissuto con qualcuno qui nel grande appartamento e certamente da me ci sono alcunne insicurezze. oggi c'è la rete, e il telefono preparato, le mie due grandi stanze chiuse, ma pertanto ancora delle piccole paure. in ogni senso: se non andiamo bene insieme, cioè se non riusciremo a arrangiarci, lei può sempre trovare qualche alternative. quindi: auguri per domani! fra 11 ore già sapró!
10:02 PM
2.6.04
24-a strange thing mistyfying. at least coach looks into my eyes. i have to deal a lot with my appearance, rhetoric and above all my intelligence which quite sometimes obviously seems to have fallen asleep during all those years.
SO - (come on to the lab)
i mean: i'm kind of upset - in a positive meaning of the word, of course. thing is that for the next three labour days i'll have to deal with the surroundings - alone.
after tomorrow: just two modest hours in the office.
you know, i come home - longing to get back there - doin' this and that; controlling what comes up 2 my mind.
AND in the morning i have to bend myself down to bed in order not to stand up tooo late - to early a mean.
a mysterious kind of activity.
they asked me in the recruiting-office: do U feel ok, R U alright?
is ev'rything ok out there?
yes (up till now). apart from the fact that i cant help thinking of money. and apart from that of money.
nice conditions - nevertheless.
strange thing mistyfying.
9:00 PM
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